A “Cash for Clunkers” Program America Can Truly Embrace, by David Teesdale

September 1, 2009
Grumple Stiltskins here is the perfect embodiment of the career politician.  Fortunately, Harry Reid (D-NV) and many other nare-do-wells are getting their ticket home in 2010.  Arlen Specter, clean-up on aisle--well, whatever aisle it is that you sit these days, Senator.

Grumple Stiltskins here is the perfect embodiment of the career politician. Fortunately, Harry Reid (D-NV) and many other nare-do-wells are getting their ticket home in 2010. Arlen Specter, clean-up on aisle--well, whatever aisle it is that you sit these days, Senator.

Many, in light of Senator Ted Kennedy’s recent demise, may have have expected a deferential, reverent retrospective on the end of Camelot, and a tribute to a foe whom Republicans could truly embrace.  However, given Senator Kennedy’s less than noble actions outside of the Senate, and his outright destructive and mean spirited antics inside the halls of Congress (during Senate confirmation hearing and throughout the abortion debate of the last four decades), it is incumbent upon this politico to refrain from commentary.  I heed the words my mother taught me–if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all–especially after the man has just expired.

Instead, as Massachusetts voters look to replace the Liberal Lion, I would tug your attention toward Rasmussen’s recent poll of Americans, which indicated that 57% of voters, if given the opportunity, would not just replace their own Congressman, but would go so far as to replace the entire U.S. Congress.  If this item were a proposition on the ballot, that amounts to a landslide margin against the incumbents.  This is a resounding defeat for the entrenched forces within Congress currently, who have wrenched their fiefdoms from more qualified candidates by harnessing the power of the purse. Read the rest of this entry »

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Conservative Solutions to Liberal Problems (Part II), by David Teesdale

August 9, 2009

blog_july08_economyLiberals were up the their usual tricks this past fall—no, not habitually stealing inter-generational candy from babies not yet born through historically high deficit spending—that had to wait till January. Many an American face matched their stock portfolios in October as 401k savings accounts were reduced to ashen shells of what they formerly were. The liberal elite quickly went about blaming the “free-market” in an effort aimed to, as only a short time’s passage would reveal, do more re-shaping of the American economic system than Ashlee Simpson has done to her face.

Truth be told (would I lie to you?), this has been a pretty common theme liberals have employed over the last century, so as to convince other-wise freedom loving Americans that they need to be protected from themselves. Unlike their feeble attempts to have us believe that the 75 year old American Legion vets lambasting squishy Congressmen in health care town halls across the country of late are simply on the payroll of evil corporate America (who are ironically on board with national health care, which benefits their bottom-lines), this technique has been rather successful. Read the rest of this entry »


Conservative Solutions to Liberal Problems (Part I), by David Teesdale

July 30, 2009

Conservative solutions for health care will save money and save lives.  Liberal panaceas will increase costs and redistribute both wealth and lives.

Conservative solutions for health care will save money and save lives. Liberal panaceas will increase costs and redistribute both wealth and lives.

A common refrain in these early days of the inept Obama Administration from liberals and Democrat mouthpieces in the media is that the Republican Party is the “party of no”. Were it not for the fact that Democrats have time and again rebuffed Republican attempts to amend legislation, this might be a more stinging barb. President Obama as early as January, was telling Republicans who proposed alternative plans to his catastrophic stimulus bill that he’d trump their alternative plans, since “I won”.

A party of no? Perhaps a party of no cajones would be more apt. A party of no spines, even. A party of no personality, or of no public relations or no spin doctors would suffice. Young Republicans and conservatives are offering solutions to America’s problems.  Our solutions will solve problems created almost exclusively by liberals, both intentionally and unintentionally. Let us first begin with the issue that Democrats are largely using to try to pin Republicans with the label of obstructionists:


HEALTH CARE: CBO estimates peg Democrats’ plan for nationalized health care at $1 trillion. Apparently the last $1 trillion dollar bill passed by Democrats worked out so well, they thought they’d try again. There are some very good conservative plans to lower the cost of health care in America and that make it accessible without overhauling the best health care system on earth, keeping in mind the idea that insurance is just that–when you give a Mary Kay Cadillac-package to everyone, it ceases to be insurance at all, but rather fascist-medicine.  Socialism is government owned and operated industry.  Fascism is when the government controls industry but the industry is still privately owned.  America doesn’t need an overhaul, just a touch-up.  So, without further a due, conservative alternatives to fascist medicine:

  • Eliminate insurance mandates.  Currently, insurance companies are mandated by the government to provide insurance for superfluous procedures, costing insurance purchasers $1.3 billion a year.  In other words, 12% of purchasers’ annual premiums.  This is probably since lobbyists for industries as various as birth control, laser eye surgery, Viagra, invitro fertilization and cosmetic procedures have successfully gotten liberal legislators to mandate these things be required pieces of insurance packages, rather than allowing families to choose based on need and cost.  This would be like requiring auto-insurers to cover oil changes, tire rotations, and fuzzy dice.
  • State legislatures should loosen regulation on insurance companies to allow individuals to purchase insurance packages across state lines and Congress needs to encourage trade with out-of-state insurers.  This would lower premiums in a variety of ways, notably by eliminating or diluting the community-rating laws in many states which force an 18 year old with no pre-conditions to subsidize, say, a 55 year old with many pre-conditions by making both pay the same, higher premium.  Cato Institute provides a look into this plan.
  • Equally weighted income tax deductions for medical providers who provide pro-bono medical services as a charity to the disadvantaged.  This would provide an incentive to doctors to provide free care, which doctors largely do any way.  Despite the charge that there are 47 million uninsured Americans, that number is probably closer to 8 million when you discount illegal aliens, people who make more than $70,000 a year who choose not to be insured, and those who are temporarily without insurance as a result of job transition.  Still, in America, no one doesn’t get emergency care because of their inability to pay.  They may lose their PS3, iphone, flat screen or car, and while I sympathize with their plight–facing the choice between food and iphone creates a difficult decision–this is still better than waiting four years for a hip replacement, as in Britain or Canada.
  • Establish Health Savings Accounts for every American.  Accounts in which each U.S. citizen could select, pre-tax, to deduct their personal wealth from their pay-check and deposit into a savings account.  Many Americans could put 40-50% more savings toward health care services.  By doing this, we can unleash the power of the individual consumer to tackle the rising costs of medical services by only using the services they really need and the providers that provide the best quality for the lowest cost.  It would also reduce unnecessary testing for diseases patients and doctors know aren’t the issue.
  • Tort reform.  American hospitals waste $700 billion a year on unnecessary tests and procedures.  This is largely because doctors are terrified of being sued by trip and fall lawyers.  If Americans needed a more ominous omen that we live in an overly litigious society, we have so many lawyers that 75% of recently graduated law students will have difficulty finding work this year.    Trial lawyers being one of the largest demographics for Democrats outside of the GLBT coalitions, trial lawyer lobbyists bankrolled Democrats to the tune of $179 million in soft-money in 2008, and Democrats receive 90% of the American Association of Justice’s campaign contributions.  Democrats reciprocate every time they are re-elected by instituting thousands of arcane rules and regulations to produce more work for trial lawyers nationwide.  Capping malpractice lawsuit awards and creating some system where losers of frivolous lawsuits would be forced to pay would greatly diminish this phenomenon.  Even if we accept the premise that there are 47.5 million uninsured Americans, if we eliminate this wasteful use of health care dollars, savings would amount to roughly $15,000 per ‘uninsured’ American.

To be continued…  On to the economy.

David Teesdale, phoned Senator Lamar Alexander this morning to inform him that the Senator’s support for confirming SCOTUS nominee Judge Sotomayor lost him Teezy’s vote next time around.  Act your ideology, Senator.  Call your Congressmen.  But first, comment here and send suggestions to david.evans.teesdale@gmail.com


Give Him a Chance! by David Teesdale

July 13, 2009

Since Barack Obama was nominated in January, much of his presidency has, unlike that of—well, any of his predecessors–been spent attempting to escape blame for the results of his policies, by reminding America that he has “inherited” any of those ill conceived ideas which have gone awry. Many Democrats and Republicans alike have pleaded from very early on for Americans to “give him a chance.” A chance, they say, for Obama’s policies to succeed. My question is: how long should we wait?

In the immediate aftermath of the throngs of American Idol voters who swarmed to the polls and swept Obama to victory last November, the American electorate overwhelmingly granted Barack Obama his grace period, nearly 70% supporting him in Gallup polling. Those who voted for Obama dismissed as rabble rousing and partisan politics ,the cries from many on the Right who warned of Obama’s socialist influences, dangerous associates and liberal voting record. Obama supporters and Republican pundits hailed Obama as a post-partisan uniter and a ‘centrist.’

Obama himself dismissed these accusations, promising static tax rates for anyone making under $250,000, or $200,000, or $100,000—depending of course on which day it was on the campaign trail. Obama laughed at charges of “re-distribution,” nationalization and class envy. Those who listened closely enough to Obama could see through the rhetoric, however, such as when Obama told Joe ‘the Plummer’ that he just wanted to “spread things around.” Astute individuals and students of history knew that for Barack Obama to succeed in implementing his agenda spelled trouble for generations of Americans. However, the rest of America gave him a chance. Barack Obama quickly set about reneging on many of his milk and honey campaign promises.

As of July, Barack Obama and the Democrat Congress have already passed a massively unpopular “stimulus” bill, are pushing the massively unpopular national health-care and cap-and trade legislation, and have tripled the national deficit. Obama promised while on the campaign trail to have all legislation available online for five days prior to votes in Congress. Now fully into Barack Obama’s presidency, this has been discarded. 1,000 page leviathan after 1,000 page leviathan have been passed by a punch-drunk Congress, who have enacted these bills without ever posting them online, and without reading them.

These are not the result of the “failed policies” of the Bush Administration. These are deliberate choices and Statist pet projects, which have been fermenting since the 1960’s and are being pushed now for the sake of ideology. Meanwhile, instead of cyclical sequences of events unfolding and the economy recovering naturally, the recession has deepened beyond the Administration’s worst case scenarios. Obama’s promises of the stimulus halting unemployment at eight percent were illusory, and the ranks of unemployed may in fact broach eleven or twelve percent. The stock market, recovering in early 2009 on the wings of “hope” and “change,” is again crumbling at a startling speed.

Stimulus money, supposedly designed to urgently ignite the sagging U.S. economy (definition of a stimulus), is being diverted to frivolous pork projects. Despite the fact that counties which voted for McCain in 2008 pay an inordinately higher amount in taxes than Obama voters, the money that is actually being dispersed prior to 2010 is going to Obama voters in absurd quantities. Stimulus money received by the counties which voted for Obama averages out to $69 a person. Counties which voted for McCain received an average of $34 a person. Nothing like rewarding your constituencies, right? Of course, elections have consequences, but using the vote to steal from future generations and to redistribute already borrowed wealth to your own voters is a little ridiculous if you ask me.

The general public is also becoming wary of proposed tax hikes by Obama and Congress. Cap and trade represents nearly $1,000 in additional taxes on each American each year despite the fact that northern states are experiencing a year without summer and have not seen a temperature increase in eight years. The Congressional Budget Office has revealed the stratospheric costs of Statist health-care and others have pulled the curtain back on the farcical claims of fifty million uninsured Americans (more likely there are seven to eight million). Americans, despite their personal affinity for Obama’s person, are now beginning to overwhelmingly disapprove of his policies.

Most Americans, according to Rasmussen, now view Obama as less ethical than most politicians, and only 30% trust Obama in dealing with the economic crisis. Majorities of Americans disapprove of Obama’s policies on Iraq and Afghanistan, while support for Obama’s Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor and his health-care plan is wavering. On the foreign policy front, dictators in Iran, Venezuela and North Korea are running amok unchecked and Obama’s limp diplomacy is transparently weak, emboldening nations such as Russia, China and even India to expand their spheres of influence.

Obama’s teleprompter crashing to the floor yesterday may be a metaphor for the state of things currently.  A teleprompter, which, with great eloquence, assisted in foisting untruths wrapped in sweet sounding rhetoric–with only the occasional slip.  A teleprompter is transparent to those at the right angle, just as Obama.  Though I’m sure TOTUS will be replaced, Barack’s beloved Cyrano de Bergerac’s untimely demise gave us a glimpse of an Obama exposed.  Perhaps now, with the curse lifted, Americans will continue to awaken from their hypnosis and will blow away the chaffe of lies they have thus far believed.

Seven months into Obama’s presidency, Republicans now lead Democrats on generic ballots 41-38% and Obama’s approval rating, while still at 51%, is slipping quickly and is well below George Bush’s approval rating at the same point in his presidency. Americans are waking up from their Obama induced slumber. Still, the Administration and Obama-apologists alike continue to try to attach Obama’s failings to Bush, with waning success. Liberals wanted us to give him a chance. Seven months is enough. Obama has spent the doubt in that benefit, and barring an incredible turn of events, the writing on the wall is clear: Obama is a one-term president.

David Teesdale, wonders who buys Twinkies, and are they still manufactured–or is the current stock what is left over from the Cold War? Comment here or e-mail him at david.evans.teesdale@gmail.com with the answers to these and other life questions


On the Other Hand, by David Teesdale

July 4, 2009

Thousands of pages have been dumped into Law and into the Federal Register, un-read, since Obama took office.

Thousands of pages have been dumped into Law and into the Federal Register, un-read, since Obama took office.

Bernie Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in prison this week after stealing $13 billion from investors in the second largest ponsi scheme in U.S. history (Social Security being the largest). But what of Barack Obama and the 219 U.S. Congressmen who voted this week to steal $1 trillion inter-generationally through cap and trade? Not even counting the ‘stimulus’ debacle, this Administration and Congress should, in a just world, be removed from office and sentenced to a similar prison recess. If not for the pain that these half-baked plans will cause our own generation, but for the next three, which may or may not be able to lift this oppressive tax.

President Obama said on prime time television weeks ago that worrying about the U.S. government’s finances “keeps [him] awake at night” and that the country needed to start planning now to tackle soaring deficits. In a pair of interviews on CNBC and Bloomberg television, Obama claimed to lose sleep over the Nation’s debt. Of course, that has not stopped the president from indulging his veritably narcoleptic tendencies, ringing up more debt in a single year than all the presidents in the 220 years prior. This has burdened the Nation with the largest debt in the history of the world.

Thus, trillions of dollars have hemmorhaged from the American people.

Thus, trillions of dollars have hemmorhaged from the American people.

All this highlights inherent liberal hypocrisy, especially that of Obama; saying one thing, and doing another. Not that hypocrisy isn’t a modus operandi of most politicians, but for Obama and Democrats, this “on the other hand” approach, brings with it a moral relativism matched only by the Sophists of ancient Greece, and is as dangerous to the civil society today as it was then.

Obama, while campaigning, promised to have all legislation available on-line for five days prior to votes in Congress. The first legislation passed during Obama’s administration—the so called ‘stimulus,’ was apparently so critical that the people didn’t need to read the Bill—so important, in fact, that the 1,000 page Act was not read by any of the Senators and Congressmen who voted on the Bill either. Six months later, cap and trade sailed through Congress with a 300 page dump at 3:00 AM the morning of the vote, which again, presumably, was not read and not uploaded to any Internet site—though I haven’t checked TMZ.com.

Most recently, Obama’s is concerned about meddling in Iran’s affairs following a rigged election in which Ahmadinejad got more votes than there were registered voters and the tyrannical regime violently suppressed peaceful protests. Erstwhile, Obama’s doing a great deal of meddling in order to prop up a leftist leader in Honduras who was rightly removed by the Supreme Court and Legislature after an unconstitutional power grab a la Hugo Chavez—who, ironically, supplied the ballots for Zeyala’s illegal election, which was supported by Daniel Noriega and the Castros. Striking, though, to note the parallels between the Iranian debacle and the theft of a Minnesota Senate seat by Al Franken, who also received more votes than there were registered voters in many areas of Minnesota.

Chavez, Castro, Noriega, Ahmadinejad...  Obama?  Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

Chavez, Castro, Noriega, Ahmadinejad... Obama? Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

All these Indian-gifts and falsehoods perpetrated by Obama and Democrats are truly not their fault. They honestly don’t see anything wrong with it. In fact, Democrats routinely will out and out state their hypocritical disposition. June 15th, while pitching national health-care, the president spoke to the American Medical Association, and, well, I’ll let you read it from the donkey’s mouth:

Now, I recognize that it will be hard to make some of these changes if doctors feel like they are constantly looking over their shoulder for fear of lawsuits. Some doctors may feel the need to order more tests and treatments to avoid being legally vulnerable. That’s a real issue….I’m not advocating caps on malpractice awards which I believe can be unfair to people who’ve been wrongfully harmed.

In other words, “I understand what the problem is, but I’m going to ram my vision through any way.” This approach extends to foreign policy as well. The president is on record saying that Iran, which has openly stated it intends to end Israel and sponsors terror around the world, has a the same “right” to nuclear weapon capability as civilized nations. But Obama didn’t stop there. In his speech to the entire Muslim world on June 4th in Cairo, Obama claimed to empathize with Jews regarding the Holocaust, then proceeded to equate this with the Palestinians’ self-inflicted perpetual refugee status.

Liberals pretend to know about their opposition, but are in fact clueless.

Liberals pretend to know about their opposition, but are in fact clueless.

Time and time again Obama claims to understand his opponents’ stances, and then proceeds to demonstrate exactly how he doesn’t. This is pervasive amongst liberals, who promote equality but support racial quotas because “wise Latinas” might have a leg up on a stodgy old man, and oppose the War in Iraq and support the barbaric practice of abortion, which has killed far more. Obama stated that he personally opposed abortion, and would teach his daughters about morals and values, “but if they make a mistake, I don’t want them punished with a baby.” Must be why he supports partial birth abortion and voted multiple times to disallow medical treatment for fully born babies who survived their attempted murder and were to then be left to die in a dark, dank hospital room.

There are nuances and differences between every issue, but on issue after issue, liberals will cast aside promises in order to achieve political ends, or morally equate decadence with virtue, buttressing this with a passing allusion to their adversaries’ protests. In the end, liberals love candidates like Barack Obama because they sound “thoughtful” and “understanding,” because they purport to comprehend opponents’ views while respectfully disagreeing and doing what they like anyway. The proof is in the pudding however, and liberals don’t understand a thing.

David Teesdale, is an investigator in the hills of Knoxville, Tennessee.  Moonshine stills haunt his dreams.  For questions or comment, or for Nigerian princes who desire to send him large inheritances, contact him at david.evans.teesdale@gmail.com.


Better Off Today Than Tomorrow Under Barack Obama by David Teesdale

June 22, 2009

In November of 2008, Americans in record numbers voted for dubious terms such as “hope” and “change.” In doing so, we’re told, those who elected Barack Obama as the 43rd president of the United States (Grover Cleveland served twice—should we really count that as two?) declared eight years under George W. Bush an utter failure. But was it? What if we were to ask ourselves that infamous question from the Ghost of Elections Past: “Am I better off today than I was eight years ago?”

When Bill Clinton took the walk of shame in 2001, most Americans didn’t have a cell phone. Today, not only does every family have one, but nearly every grade schooler has a cellular appendage, and our mobile phones are now used to browse the Internet, play movies, and for your teen to send risqué pictures of his girlfriend to the entire senior class. When the dust had finally settled from Al Gore’s post-recount Ben & Jerry’s binge, most Americans’ web access consisted of a shrieking dial tone connecting them to something called Geocities.com or Yahoo.com. Today, we connect wirelessly to Google, Facebook, Youtube, and we twit at an alarming rate.

George Bush’s presidency was a relatively safe one for Americans, both at home and abroad. This after enduring regular militant terrorist attacks during Bill Clinton’s rambunctious tenure, ranging from attacks at the first World Trade Center and Oklahoma City bombings to the embassies in Africa, and from Mogadishu to the U.S.S. Cole. September 11th, 2001 marked the only major attack on U.S. soil. From that time to present, the American intelligence community has thwarted attacks on Los Angeles and Fort Dix among the cases of which we are aware, and reduced the number of international terrorist attacks on Americans to almost zero.

When Republicans stop letting Democrats dictate the terms of the debates, Republicans will find that they will more often win them, since history is the best ally of Republican policy...

When Republicans stop letting Democrats dictate the terms of the debates, Republicans will find that they will more often win them, since history is the best ally of Republican policy...

Bush’s actions deposed of two oppressive regimes, one of which was responsible for the genocide of hundreds of thousands of its own citizens. Today, Iraq is the lone Arab democracy in the Mid-East, and subsequent iterations of the Bush Doctrine have sent shivers down the spines of terrorist harboring nations world-wide. As a result, Libya, Pakistan and Syria have all made attempts to join the international community, making Americans safer.

Eight years of George Bush abated the coming calamity of global warming. Despite the success of Hollywood and Captain Planet in convincing Americans that the debate is over regarding man-made global warming, the planet has apparently missed the memo, as the global temperature has actually cooled since 1998 and parts of the northern U.S. are in 2009 expected to experience a year “without summer.” Someone should tell the polar bears.

All the while, Americans enjoyed an average unemployment rate well below the average rate under Clinton. The middle class today is smaller than it was in 2001—as the result of an expanded upper class, not because those middle class Americans became poorer. Bush inherited a recession exacerbated by the events of 9-11, and our Nation, stimulated by tax cuts, did not experience another for seven years. Even after a financial crisis, caused largely by government intervention, today the Dow Jones Index stands only slightly lower than the peak of the Internet bubble. In January 2001, unemployment stood at a higher rate than when Bush left office, as 2 million jobs were created (many more may have been “saved”). Under Bush, even standardized test scores of American students have improved against their peers in other countries.

African Americans were employed at a higher rate under Bush than under Clinton, the "first black president." Likewise, Barack Obama can probably credit George W. Bush and the "most diverse administration in history" with his subsequent employment as POTUS...

African Americans were employed at a higher rate under Bush than under Clinton, the "first black president." Likewise, Barack Obama can probably credit George W. Bush and the "most diverse administration in history" with his subsequent employment as POTUS...

There are certainly areas of American society which have gotten worse. The flood of illegal immigrants and chain migration has continued to balkanize parts of the south-west. Our government has edged even closer to bankrupting Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid. The U.S. Treasury isn’t far behind. Industry continues to be strangled by the second highest corporate tax rate in the world, and the national debt ballooned under George Bush as a percentage of GDP. These problems are all to be exacerbated in order to obtain Obama’s hope and change.

Liberals like Obama claim to want to make the U.S. more like the “older, wiser nations” of Europe (neglecting that the U.S. is governed by the oldest of constitutions). This means turning the entire nation into one with very little growth and an expansive social safety net . Yet, here in America, even the average poverty-stricken American has a better standard of living than the average European. American per capita individual consumption dwarfs that of the EU-15 by nearly 50%. Remind me again why we should be more like Europe (the birthplace of communism, socialism, and fascism)? In states where liberals have dominated for decades we have witnessed the not so subtle foreshadowing of America’s future: In California, New York, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Ohio, for starters—and New Jersey, Illinois and Louisiana for clinchers.

In November, many people never asked the question—am I better off today than I was eight years ago? Apparently more people should have asked that question, because in eight years, they may not like the answer quite as much as they would today.

David Teesdale works for the bloated bureaucracy of government and milks the sweet nectar of taxpayer dollars on a daily basis. He is also a classic self-loather. Add comments here to contact him.


Open Letter to Barack Obama, by David Teesdale

March 24, 2009

The Following is an Open Letter to President Barack Obama:

President Obama,

My name is David Teesdale. First of all, I would like to congratulate you on your historic election to the office of President of the United States of America, and upon your swift legislative victories in your first sixty days in office.

Among these victories, the economic stimulus bill, aimed, as the Congressional Budget Office states, to “boost economic activity during periods of economic weakness by increasing short-term aggregate demand.” This, the largest single government expenditure in American history, is intended to “save or create” 3.5 million jobs (your advisers only expect a 2.1 million increase in jobs), at a cost of $789 billion. This means the government is spending roughly $225,000 per job created or “saved.”

The public is poignantly aware that the government never comes in under budget. The Capitol Visitors’ Center was just completed at the Capitol Building in Washington, D.C., late and over budget. Ground was broken in 2000 and the project was slated to cost $71 million. Completed in late 2008, the building cost a stupefying $621 million. At this rate, the “stimulus,” programs expected to break ground in 2010-11 should begin somewhere around 2020 and should actually cost around $9 trillion.

Even if we use the conservative estimates of the Congressional Budget Office, which peg the true cost of servicing the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 (HR 1) at $3.27 trillion, the cost per job will ring in at $9.3 million per job.

I don’t mean– by any stretch–President Obama, to sound at all disrespectful, but this seems like a terrible waste of public tax dollars. I have the utmost regard for your desire for good stewardship of Americans’ dollars, so I have confidence you will find the following proposal much more palatable.

You’re a pretty smart guy, O. Can I call you O? Anyway, you’re pretty smart, and I am pretty smart too. I recently graduated with a degree in Political Science from Syracuse University and interned at the White House, before you took up residence there. I’m not Ivy bred, but I am strongly confident that I can create–yes, create, not save–jobs for you at a rate below $9.3 million per. In fact, I am confident that I could create jobs at a rate under one million dollars per.

In fact, O–I mean Mr. President–all I ask is to be provided with 1% of 1% of 1% of 1% of the stimulus bill’s $789 billion dollar price tag. Roughly $79 million, tax-free, low-denomination, unmarked bills, preferably in little black briefcases. With this much tax money, I can assure the creation of hundreds or thousands of jobs, or I will pay back every red (no commu-puns intended) cent.

As a driven and hard working recent graduate, I feel I can bring youth and energy to the stimulus package. Even by any Keynesian measure, you’ll be getting more bang for your buck than the $600 million used on digital TV converters, $50 million for cemetery repair work, $1.7 billion for the National Parks Service, $2 billion for groups like ACORN and $300 million to fund cars for bureaucrats in the Federal government.

I assure you that the businesses that I create will be much more effective in creating lasting jobs, even if those jobs are as my housekeeper and butler (though, I will need a bigger house to accommodate more servants–which should probably cost no more than $1 million dollars–but will create one landscaping, and two housekeeping jobs at the very least). This plan is clearly what America needs right now, especially in my home city of Knoxville, TN, where unemployment is becoming a problem.

If I can’t, I won’t even ask for a bailout.

I am sure you, Mr. President, as a person who can see a great deal when it is presented to him, can see the virtue in my plan. I save the government money, I make a whole bunch of money, and I save the government further embarrassment when the public finally realizes that government cannot create wealth it can only spend it (First Law of Government Dynamics).

You may call my office (leave a message after the beep if you can’t get through, I screen calls from the ‘202’ area code) with any questions you or your 40 person economic team at Treasury may have, or if you wish to see a business model.

All the Best,
David E. Teesdale


David Teesdale, delights in poking at millions of dollars of sliced ham subsidies as part of the economic stimulus.  Comment here or contact him at david.evans.teesdale@gmail.com